nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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