he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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