I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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