I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
