Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
