RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
