Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
