I didn't shave. On purpose
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
