Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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