Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
