oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
