mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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