note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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