I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
