Acid is not a monday night drug
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
