so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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