i think i have two assholes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize