We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
