WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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