You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
