watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
