Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
