apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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