i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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