I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
