your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
