you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
