Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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