If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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