I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
