Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
