my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
