Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
