I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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