Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
