she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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