I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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