Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.

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(801): View more from Utah

fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!

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(623): View more from Arizona

Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid

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(218): View more from Minnesota

You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?

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