you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
