I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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