nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize