I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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