I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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