Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Drunk is not a location!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
