So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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