I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
