I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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