better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
