it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
