I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
