no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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