My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
