yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
