I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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