i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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