I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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