Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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