What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
