obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
