Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
