im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
