If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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