I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
