it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
