I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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