I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
