U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
