she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
