I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
