So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
