yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
