How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
