Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
