I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
