News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
