I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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