The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize