It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
