You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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