I got chris browned last night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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