We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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