Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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