all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
