Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize