They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
