And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
