FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
