Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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