whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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