I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
