First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
