my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
