I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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