i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
