Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
