Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize