and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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