This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
