I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
