It's just like the Real World with babies
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
