Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Houston, we have a blender
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
