I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize