i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
