i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
