worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
