If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
