i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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