The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
