Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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